Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
