Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
