guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
