I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
