So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
