So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
