Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Randomize
