I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
