you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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