note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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