i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
