We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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