just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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