She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
