Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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