the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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