she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
