His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize