I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
