Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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