I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
