need another drink. this is the easiest way
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
