the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
