He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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