remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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