We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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