I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
