i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
ok first of all what the fuck
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
