He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
