There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
