I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The adults are the big ones right?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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