Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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