i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
