I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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