Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
