another moral hangover. fuck.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
