At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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