bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
