I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
