Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
