i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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