How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
