? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
