i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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