Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
