I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
