Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
