ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
