What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
