Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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