sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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