I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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