Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
