I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
