I want to make a zoo with you.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
