I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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