I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
