you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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