I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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