i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Randomize
