Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
