I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
