after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
