Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize