It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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