it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
