why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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