Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Holy sore nipples Batman
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
