I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
