The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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