She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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