just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
