Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize