The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
