Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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