I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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