Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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