Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Randomize
