if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
