We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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