rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
