I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
