Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
