She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I want a musical about memes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
