Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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