I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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