YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
