Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just found puke in my bra..
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
