I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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