OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
