I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
