His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize