Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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