No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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