She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
